So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
two words...techno handjob
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
