Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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