He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
