why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize