The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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