His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
