It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
