How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
