I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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