Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
