At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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