the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
My dick has a subreddit
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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