Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
