Pappa wants mamma naked
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Is it because I queefed?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
