nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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