Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
