my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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