at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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