dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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