I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
