i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Randomize
