Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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