My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize