Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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