just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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