I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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