the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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