I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
