Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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