just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
