I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Randomize
