Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
