He is an equal opportunity slut.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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