He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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