How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
