Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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