We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
