you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
