please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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