We need to rekindle our bromance
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
