My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
