when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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