I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
