all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
