I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
