Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
