so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
We are all done wearing pants today
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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