She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
