Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
