So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Walk of Shame today included voting.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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