i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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