I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
