Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
