Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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