Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
