I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
