Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
