been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
i've created a new STD.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
