Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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