I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Redeem this text for a blowjob
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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