I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
