What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
