When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
