No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
