I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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