I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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