I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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