i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
