Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
