my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
