you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
