I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
i think my cat just said my name.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
