I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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