I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You're a waste of cheezeits
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Ladies don't puke and tell
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
