last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
