I'm gonna have a badass scar
You can't special order awesome
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
