I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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