Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
