He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
