The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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