you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
