I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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