So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
