Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize