i don't like sucking hair
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
