just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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