Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize