Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize