The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
