u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
accomplished twins. life is a go
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
