I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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