My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize