oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
