3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
