I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
