Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
We need to feng shui this bitch.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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