I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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