I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize