Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
