There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
