Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
