He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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