actually, I'm a sock model
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
