we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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