Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
