It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
