You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
This baby is an asshole
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
It's blow job season.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
