oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Randomize
