You're my little dorito
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
