My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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