you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
