Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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