I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize