so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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