She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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