She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
